Sunday, April 5, 2009

A Word From Gremlin

Dear Gavin,
When are you coming to retrieve this pesky dog of yours? I pray that it is soon. I do not enjoy his pranks. He is always running hither and dither, wagging his silly looking tail at any and all who look his way. I tell you this animal lacks dignity. This is just the beginning of my objections to his residence here in my home.
This dog of yours insists upon sharing our water dish. Now, the other two may not mind this sharing thing; I, however, do. Taking into consideration that he is still young doesn't apply to me. I have already trained my two dogs to my liking and am not apt to want to go through this process again with yours. You will note that I refrain from using the name you bestowed upon the poor creature. You gave him a name that was used for a character in a movie for heavens sake! Who does that? The name lacks dignity!
There is the shedding issue. White hair flies everywhere as he prances gleefully throughout the house. Some have actually landed in my eyes causing me great inconvenience. Once, as I tried to get one out he tackled me to the floor and bit down on my neck! Why he could have dealt a fatal bite to me! I could have been killed!
My dogs seem to like your creature. We have pedigrees. Oscar and Emmy are CKC registered and I am AKC registered. What exactly is in this mutt of yours? Perhaps he would be more suited to live outside our home with that..... that plain cat that stays outside. She also lacks any proof of lineage that would identify her as pedigreed. Once again I ask you, do you have any idea of this animal's heritage? I thought not. I don't want to appear to be snobbish, but you can see that he simply does not fit in. As much as the others disagree, I must insist that you see things my way.
In closing, I submit that you must come and take your dog away as it has become increasingly obvious that my humans have grown quite attached to him. They treat him as if he were one of us. Sniff. Unbelievable!
Sincerely, Your cat-uncle,

1 comment:

  1. This is, by far, my favorite animal post to date! Gremlin's kind of an ass huh? I like it!