Trick... No Treat!

Dear Gavin,

I have learned a new word....humiliation. Do you see me as I write this? I am humiliated. That is when you are forced to wear your sister dog's costume. Costume, another new word. A costume is something you wear to pretend you are something other than what you are. Why people do this, well, that is a mystery to us dogs.

Do I look happy? No, I do not. I am supposed to a ballerina. Another new word! I do not know or even care to know this ballerina is. My friend, Don, betrayed me! He helped Gramma put this awful thing that Gramma called a tutu on me and then held me for a picture. I did not want to be seen by anyone in this, no, I did not!

Another costume. This is a hot dog. I would have run from Gramma, but this costume is hard to run in. Do you see this? I am enclosed in what is supposed to be a bun with a row of mustard and ketchup on my back. I am supposed to be the hot dog! Oscar told me that Gramma made this for him to wear two years ago at a Halloween party. He was not happy to wear it either. He told me that his breed is sometimes referred to as a wiener dog and a hot dog is a wiener. Oscar says that this is a good example of irony. Another new word!

Sooooooo humiliating. I was hoping the ground would open and swallow me whole!

Oh, please.... I can't even hike my leg to mark this trashcan!

I tried to run through costume, but that didn't work either.

You must speak to Gramma about this costume thing. She made me wear a harness today. It was red, white and blue. She told me I was patriotic. Emmy tells me that this word means that I love my country. That is all well and good, but I think I can love my country just fine without having to wear some sort of cloth on my body to say so!

While I was wearing the patriotic harness that was attached to a patriotic leash we all got into the car and went for a ride. At first I was happy to get to go, but I did not like it so much. There are windows all around the car and you can look outside while you are riding. We were going very fast! I got into Gramma's lap. Oscar was already there. He was looking out the window and Emmy was in Papa's lap and she was looking out the window. I tried looking out the window and this really big truck whizzed by and scared me so bad. I put my head on Gramma's neck and hid my face!

Gramma patted me on my back and told me that everything was alright. I tried a few more times and I still did not like this thing called riding in a car. I spent the whole trip with my face in Gramma's neck! She was pretty nice about it until I was sliding down a little and I sort of dug my claws in to her shoulder to hold on. I didn't mean to hurt her. She held me close to her when Papa said to put me in the back. She told Papa that I was scared and that I could stay in her lap. I love Gramma!

When we stopped we all got out and peed on some grass by a bush. Oscar showed me how to smell for other dogs' pee. That was fun. After that we all got back into Gramma's car. Papa and Gramma looked at this big, big thing called a motor home. Oscar said that we used to have this thing called a motor home....... before I was here. Anyway he said that they used to take long trips in it and sleep in it.

Well, guess what? When Papa came back to the car he let me pee again and the he put me in the motorhome and drove away! Where was Gramma? Where was Oscar and Emmy? I was so scared! When we stopped again I was so, so happy. Gramma was in her car and so were Oscar and Emmy. I was so relieved and happy. Papa went into this place and we got hamburgers and a big cup of water. We ate in the motor home. I was happy again. Papa told Gramma that I cried the whole way with him, so Emmy stayed with Papa and rode with him. I was quite content to get back in Gramma's car. This time I did not even look out the window I lay down in the seat with Oscar and slept all the way home.

Well , this was an exciting day and I am tired after my big adventure. I will say goodnight now and remind you that you are my best boy! Next time I see you I will be in my motor home!

Your traveling dog,

Wall-E